The Happiness Formula: Insights from Adlerian Psychology

Did you know that happiness is not merely a stroke of luck or a twist of fate? According to Adlerian psychology, it’s a blend of independence and community that truly shapes our happiness.

Understanding Happiness: A New Perspective

It’s easy to think of happiness as something that just happens to us—a lucky combination of circumstances, personality, and maybe a little bit of fate. But what if happiness is something we can actively create and choose? In their book, The Courage to Be Happy, Japanese philosopher Ichiro Kishimi and writer Fumitake Koga explore this idea, drawing on the principles of Alfred Adler, an early 20th-century psychotherapist. Adler believed that happiness isn’t about luck; it’s about two core elements: independence and community.

The Quest for Independence

Independence is a fundamental human desire that begins in childhood. From the moment we can think for ourselves, we crave the ability to make our own choices. Kishimi and Koga explain that deep down, every person has a natural drive to overcome helplessness. Just observe toddlers—they want to do everything on their own, from getting dressed to pouring a drink, even when they clearly need help.

But Adlerian psychology takes this a step further. Our push for independence is not just about self-sufficiency; it’s about freedom—the ability to make our own choices without waiting for someone else’s approval. At the end of the day, what people truly want is control over their own lives.

Strategies for Gaining Independence

So, how do we cultivate this independence? The book offers two main strategies:

1. Focus on What You Can Control
   One of the most powerful ideas in Adlerian psychology is the concept of the separation of tasks. This means recognizing what is yours to control and what belongs to others. Ask yourself:

   • Is the outcome in my control?
   • Am I directly affected by the outcome?

   If the answer is yes, that’s your task. If not, it’s time to let it go. For example, when deciding whom to marry, the opinions of others may come from a place of love, but the decision ultimately belongs to you. Their feelings about your choice are their responsibility, not yours.

2. Free Yourself from Your Past
   Your past does not define you. According to Adler, it’s not what happened to you that shapes who you are; it’s how you interpret those events. Many people remain stuck in life because they believe their past dictates their future. The truth is, your past only holds the meaning you assign to it. You have the power to rewrite your story and create a future on your own terms.

Overcoming Obstacles to Independence

While independence is essential, several obstacles can hold us back:

• Lack of Courage: Fear of making the wrong choice can paralyze us. True independence requires the courage to own both successes and failures.
• Lack of Will: Some people prefer the ease of letting others decide for them. Start small by making simple decisions for yourself.
• Self-Centeredness: Recognizing that life isn’t about what others owe you, but about what you do for yourself is crucial for achieving independence.

The Importance of Community

While independence is vital for self-esteem and personal freedom, it’s only one side of the happiness equation. According to Kishimi and Koga, true happiness also depends on Gemeinschaftsgefühl, a German term that translates to community feeling or a sense of belonging. Humans are inherently social beings, and our lives are deeply shaped by our relationships.

Cultivating a Sense of Community

So, how can we foster a sense of community in our lives? Here are a few strategies:

1. Contribute to Others
   Happiness comes from feeling useful. Your value exists in relation to others, and contributing to your community enhances your sense of belonging. Small actions, like offering a listening ear or lending a helping hand, can create profound connections.

2. Offer Respect
   Respect is about recognizing others for who they are without trying to change them. It’s a choice you make, and it can be extended to everyone—friends, coworkers, and even strangers.

3. Nurture Key Relationships
   Focus on three fundamental types of relationships:

   • Work Relationships: Your job contributes to society. Approach your role with a positive attitude, regardless of your title.
   • Friendships: Good friendships are built on respect and empathy. Listening is often more valuable than giving advice.
   • Loving Relationships: In love, the goal is to create happiness together. Shift your focus from seeking love to giving love, and you’ll find deeper fulfillment.

Conclusion: The Path to Happiness

Actionable Takeaway: To cultivate happiness, focus on your independence while nurturing your community connections.

As you reflect on your own life, consider: How can you take more control over your choices while also contributing to the community around you? Your journey to happiness is uniquely yours, and it starts with the choices you make today.