Understanding the Feeling of Falling Behind: Insights from Mimetic Desire
Have you ever felt like everyone around you is racing ahead while you’re stuck in place? You’re not alone. Many of us grapple with the nagging sensation that we’re falling behind in life, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or personal achievements. This feeling often stems from a concept known as mimetic desire, as explored in Luke Burgess's book, Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life. Let’s dive into this intriguing idea and uncover how it affects our lives and aspirations.
The Roots of Feeling Behind
At its core, the feeling of being behind arises when we compare our current situation (Point A) to where we think we should be (Point B). This could be anything from wanting a higher salary to desiring a fulfilling relationship or a successful business. The key factor here is the belief that we should already be at Point B, leading to feelings of inadequacy and failure.
“The obsession we have with goal setting is misguided, even counterproductive.” — Luke Burgess
This quote encapsulates the essence of our struggle. Instead of focusing solely on how to achieve our goals, we must first question why we desire them in the first place. Are these aspirations genuinely ours, or are they influenced by those around us?
What is Mimetic Desire?
Mimetic desire, a term popularized by French philosopher René Girard, refers to the tendency to imitate the desires of others. Burgess categorizes these influences into two worlds: Celebristan and Freshmanistan.
- Celebristan: This realm includes celebrities and influencers whose lives we admire from afar. We may aspire to their lifestyles, careers, or possessions without ever meeting them.
- Freshmanistan: This is the world of our peers—friends, family, and colleagues. Their achievements often serve as direct comparisons, making us feel inadequate when we perceive ourselves as lagging behind.
Interestingly, it’s often the people in Freshmanistan who trigger our feelings of inadequacy. We’re less likely to feel behind because of a celebrity’s success and more likely to feel it when a friend gets a promotion or buys a new house.
The Impact of Mimetic Desire on Our Lives
Understanding mimetic desire can help us recognize the sources of our aspirations. For instance, when a friend shares their promotion, it can spark anxiety about our own career trajectory. We may begin to question our choices and feel pressured to chase similar milestones, even if they don’t align with our true desires.
Identifying Thick vs. Thin Desires
Burgess introduces the concept of thick and thin desires.
- Thick Desires: These are deep-rooted and enduring, often tied to our authentic selves. They provide a sense of fulfillment and have likely been with us for a long time.
- Thin Desires: In contrast, these are superficial and often arise from external influences. They can change easily based on what others around us want.
To illustrate, consider your own experiences. Have you ever pursued a goal simply because your peers were doing so? Reflecting on this can help you distinguish between what you genuinely want and what you feel pressured to achieve.
Strategies for Navigating Mimetic Desire
1. Set Boundaries with Unhealthy Influences
One effective way to combat the negative effects of mimetic desire is to set boundaries. This could mean unfollowing social media accounts that trigger feelings of inadequacy or distancing yourself from individuals who evoke unhealthy comparisons. Curating your environment can significantly impact your mental well-being.
2. Identify Your Michelin Stars
Burgess uses the metaphor of Michelin stars to describe the external markers of success we often chase. Identifying what your personal Michelin stars are—whether they be job titles, income levels, or social media followers—can help you assess whether these measures align with your authentic desires.
“Naming the mimetic forces at work in the systems in which we operate is an important first step towards making more intentional choices.” — Luke Burgess
3. Create Positive Flywheels of Desire
Instead of allowing mimetic desire to lead you astray, you can create positive momentum around your authentic desires. For example, if you’re inspired to work out because a friend has started a fitness journey, this can lead to healthier eating habits and a more productive lifestyle. By focusing on positive influences, you can cultivate a fulfilling cycle of growth.
Conclusion: Running Your Own Race
Understanding mimetic desire offers valuable insights into why we feel behind in life. By recognizing the influences that shape our aspirations, we can begin to prioritize our thick desires—those that resonate with our true selves.
As you reflect on your own journey, consider these questions:
- What are the desires that have been with you for a long time?
- Are there aspirations you’re pursuing because of external pressures?
- How can you create a positive environment that nurtures your authentic goals?
By focusing on what truly matters to you, the feeling of falling behind can diminish, allowing you to run your own race rather than comparing yourself to others.
If you’re interested in exploring these concepts further, I highly recommend checking out Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life for deeper insights. Remember, it’s not about how fast you reach your goals, but about ensuring those goals are genuinely yours.