Understanding ADHD and Autism: Shane Thrapp's Journey to Authenticity

Did you know that many adults discover they have ADHD or autism only after their children are diagnosed? This was the case for Shane Thrapp, who navigated his own journey of self-discovery while supporting others in similar situations.

Shane’s ADHD and Autism Diagnoses Story

Shane Thrapp always felt different. Growing up in rural northeast Texas, he sensed that something set him apart from his peers. It wasn't until he was 36 that he received a diagnosis of ADHD, a moment that sparked a deeper understanding of himself. His wife, a special needs teacher, had known for years, even hinting at it when she read his dating profile. “Honey, you didn’t know?” she asked, revealing that she had recognized the signs long before he did.

This revelation led Shane to reflect on his life, including a challenging first marriage and the moment a teacher suggested that his son might be on the autism spectrum. This prompted Shane to explore the similarities between his experiences and those of his son, leading him to a diagnosis of autism a few years later. “I always knew I was different,” he shared, highlighting the struggle of reconciling his identity with societal expectations.

The Three-Way Battle Between ADHD and Autism

Imagine a constant tug-of-war in your mind, where ADHD urges spontaneity and excitement while autism craves structure and predictability. Shane describes this internal conflict as a “three-way battle” involving ADHD, autism, and societal expectations.

• ADHD: Thrives on new ideas and impulsivity, often leading to burnout from taking on too much.
• Autism: Seeks order and control, becoming frustrated when things don’t go as planned.
• Societal Expectations: Adds pressure to conform to norms, complicating the balance between the two.

Shane's ADHD drives him to create businesses and chase new ventures, while his autism insists on meticulous planning and organization. This duality can lead to frustration, especially when ADHD's impulsiveness clashes with autism's need for structure.

How is Shane as a Boss?

Shane's self-awareness has shaped his leadership style. He recognizes his struggles and compensates by fostering a collaborative environment. “I’m actually really good,” he says about his role as a boss, emphasizing the importance of understanding his own challenges.

His journey has taught him that self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership. Without it, he might have fallen into the trap of being an authoritarian figure, unaware of how his behavior affected others. Instead, he strives to create a supportive atmosphere where team members can thrive.

Learning Social Cues, Trying on Identities, and Societal Expectations

Growing up, Shane learned to navigate social cues through observation, even turning to resources like body language analysis. This skill, while helpful, became overwhelming as he absorbed the emotional states of those around him. “I see too much,” he admits, noting that this hyper-empathy can be both a gift and a burden.

Shane's ability to adapt to different social groups—whether jocks or nerds—led him to wear many masks throughout his life. This constant shifting made it difficult for him to find his true identity, a struggle many can relate to. “I lost who I was,” he reflects, highlighting the pressure to conform to societal expectations.

The Men’s ADHD Support Group: Building a Community That Supports Each Other

Shane is deeply involved in the Men's ADHD Support Group, where he witnesses the transformative power of community. Many men discover their own diagnoses after their children are identified as neurodivergent. The group provides a safe space for men to share their experiences, challenges, and triumphs.

In this supportive environment, members encourage one another to shed feelings of shame and guilt. “Welcome to the club, bro,” is a common refrain, emphasizing the shared struggles and camaraderie among participants. The group fosters a culture of compassion and accountability, where men can discuss sensitive topics without fear of judgment.

The Biggest Misconceptions About Men with ADHD

One of the most significant misconceptions about men with ADHD is the stereotype of the hyperactive, impulsive individual. Shane points out that this narrow view overlooks the diversity within the ADHD community, including those who are introverted or exhibit inattentive symptoms.

Emotional regulation is another area where misunderstandings abound. People often assume that individuals with ADHD only experience negative emotions intensely, but Shane emphasizes that they also feel joy, curiosity, and love more deeply. “We love harder,” he explains, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of neurodiversity.

Building a World That’s Better for His Children

Shane's ultimate goal is to create a better world for his children, one where neurodiversity is embraced and celebrated. He believes that by influencing parents, educators, and society at large, he can help foster an environment that values creativity and individuality.

His work with the Men's ADHD Support Group and other initiatives reflects this mission. “If I can influence a father to teach his son that neurodiversity is valuable, then I’ve succeeded,” he shares, highlighting the importance of building a supportive community for future generations.

Conclusion

Embrace your unique journey and seek out supportive communities that understand your experiences. Shane's story is a powerful reminder of the importance of self-discovery and acceptance in the face of societal expectations. How can you begin to embrace your own authenticity today?