Understanding the Discontent of Liberal Women: Insights from Brad Wilcox

The marriage rates and happiness levels among liberal women today paint a revealing portrait of modern relationships and cultural expectations. What do these trends say about our pursuit of fulfillment, and how might a “family-first” approach offer deeper satisfaction?

The Contradictions of “Eat, Pray, Love”

The popular memoir Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is often celebrated as a modern love story and blueprint for self-discovery. In it, Gilbert travels through Italy, India, and Bali, culminating in an idyllic romance with a charismatic partner. Yet ten years later, she abandons that relationship in search of another “soulmate,” moving from man to woman, back to man, and finally announcing she was single at fifty-five.

This pattern illustrates what Brad Wilcox calls the “soulmate myth”—the belief that there is a perfect person out there who will provide unending happiness. By putting feelings at the core of love and marriage, Gilbert’s narrative exemplifies an emotional approach that often leads to restless dissatisfaction rather than lasting contentment.

“By making feelings the foundation of love, you’re putting things on a very insecure footing.”

Wilcox warns that when love is based primarily on fleeting emotions, relationships can wobble through inevitable conflicts or boredom. Gilbert’s journey—from romantic rhapsody to repeated breakups—serves as a cautionary tale for liberal women and men alike who seek passion without a broader framework.

In the real world, Wilcox notes, those who chase the soulmate ideal often find themselves constantly hunting for a “next” romance that promises more intensity. Instead of grounding relationships in a diverse set of shared commitments, the soulmate myth leaves couples vulnerable to the next shiny emotional surge.

Building A Foundation For A Happy Marriage

A lasting marriage needs more than chemistry. Drawing inspiration from St. Thomas Aquinas, Wilcox offers a “family-first” paradigm where spouses pursue the good of the other and the welfare of their children and extended kin. This framework shifts the focus from self-centered happiness to collective well-being.

Key elements of a family-first approach include:

• Solidarity: Building a partnership that weathers trials by trusting each other’s intentions.
• Financial stability: Establishing shared goals for income, budgeting, and investments, so money stress does not undermine intimacy.
• Awareness of impact: Recognizing how marital quality shapes children’s emotional health, social networks, and life outcomes.

Across cultures, durable marriages rely on similar principles. In Confucian societies, mutual filial piety and extended family involvement foster resilience against conflict. In many indigenous communities, marriage ceremonies and communal rituals underscore the couple’s responsibility to their broader tribe.

By broadening the goals of marriage, couples become less fixated on daily highs of passion and more invested in enduring virtues like loyalty, patience, and mutual respect. When a fight arises, a family-first couple remembers their shared vision—stability for their children, a safe port for each other—rather than judging the romance as a failed fairy tale.

Happiness Studies on Conservative and Liberal Women

Recent research highlights a surprising happiness gap between liberal and conservative women. According to Wilcox’s study of U.S. women aged 18–40, about 37% of conservative women describe themselves as completely satisfied (very happy) with life, compared to only around 12% of liberal women [verify]. Conservative women also marry at higher rates and participate more in religious services than their progressive counterparts [verify].

These data points suggest three key connections:

1. Marriage rates: A majority of conservative women are married, whereas a minority of liberal women share that status [verify].
2. Religious engagement: Regular faith participation provides community ties and moral guidance, bolstering well-being.
3. Traditional family views: Favorable attitudes toward stable family life align with stronger social support networks.

Across broader age groups (18–55), conservatives are roughly 60% more likely to report being very happy compared to liberals [verify]. Nearly one-third of this “conservative happiness premium” can be attributed to their higher marriage rates and the greater stability of those marriages.

Wilcox points out that liberal women often voice frustration about modern dating—facing a landscape of “situationships” and emotional unpredictability. By contrast, those who commit to marriage and community involvement tend to report higher life satisfaction.

Solutions for Optimizing Happiness

Recognizing these trends opens a path for liberal women and progressive couples to enhance their emotional well-being without abandoning core values. Wilcox offers practical suggestions:

• Reevaluate attitudes toward marriage: View it not as a restrictive institution but as a mutual commitment that enriches personal growth.
• Prioritize pre-marriage preparation: Engage in premarital counseling or relationship workshops to build communication skills and realistic expectations.
• Cultivate shared financial goals: Discuss budgeting, debt management, and career ambitions openly to foster unity and reduce stress.
• Lean into community: Join local groups—parenting circles, faith communities, volunteer networks—that reinforce social bonds and model stable relationships.
• Foster a servant-leadership ethic: Mirror Aquinas and focus on the good of your partner even when emotions waver, remembering that love often requires steadfast choice over momentary feelings.

Taken together, these steps can help progressive women find stability and joy in committed relationships, while respecting autonomy and equality.

The Impact Family Structure Has on Children

Research consistently shows that children raised in intact, two-parent families enjoy stronger life outcomes. Wilcox emphasizes certain findings:

• Boys from nonintact homes are more likely to encounter behavioral issues, underperform academically, and face higher incarceration rates than their peers in intact families. In fact, statistically a boy raised outside an intact family home is more likely to end up in prison than to graduate from college [verify].
• Studies of identical twins reveal that the twin raised in a divorced household faces higher risks of emotional distress, social problems, and lower educational attainment compared to the twin from a stable home.

These correlations emerge across socioeconomic backgrounds, indicating that family structure matters beyond wealth or neighborhood effects. Children benefit from the emotional security, consistent role models, and resource pooling that typically accompany a committed parental partnership.

Education Dynamics Between Young Men and Young Women

In post-secondary education and workforce transitions, a concerning gender imbalance has emerged. Across many developed countries, including the U.S. and U.K.:

• Girls consistently outperform boys in grades, standardized tests, and high school graduation rates.
• Young women now earn college degrees at roughly twice the rate of their male peers, and female graduates increasingly occupy middle-skill, well-paid occupations that once skewed male [verify].
• The share of 16–24-year-old men who are NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) has surged, exacerbating a sense of aimlessness among lower-income young men.

Experts attribute these trends to multiple factors: a curriculum that disadvantages boys, lack of male mentorship in schools, and the rise of video gaming and online distractions that hamper male engagement. Without a clear, positive vision of contemporary masculinity, many boys struggle to see a path to success in both education and later adult roles.

Addressing this requires a multipronged approach: incorporating vocational tracks, bringing male role models into classrooms, expanding active breaks and hands-on learning opportunities, and instilling a sense of purpose in boys that goes beyond digital entertainment.

What Does the Future Hold for Dating in the Digital Era?

Modern dating has fractured under the weight of apps, shifting norms, and economic pressures. In a recent survey by the American Enterprise Institute, over half of single men and women admitted they were “pessimistic” about finding meaningful partners. Key pressures include:

• Ghosting and parachute dating: The ease of swiping has led to shortened courtships, often ending with abrupt online breakups.
• Educational and income sorting: High-earning women encounter fewer eligible men at their socioeconomic level, fueling a “Great Dating Divergence.”
• Choice overload: An abundance of options makes commitment feel riskier, as singles chase the elusive “perfect” match.

Innovations may arise to address these dilemmas: curated small-group matchmaking events, community-based dating services that encourage in-person engagement, and digital tools that emphasize personality fit rather than surface metrics. Progressive and conservative circles alike could pioneer these models, emphasizing intentionality over endless scrolling.

Role of Stay-At-Home Dads: Viable or Limited?

As dual-earner households become more common, some couples experiment with stay-at-home dads. While individual stories of success exist, large-scale data suggest constraints:

• Married mothers report lower life satisfaction when their husbands are stay-at-home dads compared to families where the father works full-time [verify].
• Male unemployment correlates more strongly with divorce risks: when husbands lose jobs, divorce risk rises by about 33%, whereas wives’ job loss has little effect on family stability.
• Even today, women—especially those without college degrees—tend to shoulder more household and childcare duties when their partner is unemployed or underemployed, creating tension.

Contrastingly, many upper-middle-class families establish more balanced earning roles, with spouses sharing income responsibilities or hiring external childcare support. Across Scandinavia, robust parental-leave policies enable fathers to spend more time with infants, though mothers often remain primary caregivers. Long-term success tends to hinge on clear communication, equitable division of labor, and supplemental supports such as co-parenting networks or childcare co-ops.

Mimetic Family Patterns

Marriage and childbearing behaviors spread through social networks like a contagion. Research shows:

• If close friends get married, an individual’s own marriage odds increase by 25–30%.
• When a sibling or cousin experiences a divorce, family members are significantly more likely to divorce later.
• Communities with high marriage prevalence tend to sustain normative pressures for long-term commitment, while locales with many single adults often foster persistent singleness.

Cultivating friendships with couples who prioritize family, participating in faith or community groups, and celebrating marital milestones can ignite a positive mimetic effect, steering individuals toward stable partnerships.

Conclusion

The data and reflections drawn from Brad Wilcox’s work underscore a vital insight: flourishing relationships demand more than romantic ideals. By embracing a “family-first” mindset—prioritizing solidarity, financial groundwork, community ties, and the larger good—liberal women and modern couples can unlock deeper happiness and societal resilience.

Bold action step: Embrace shared commitments—consider premarital counseling, set joint financial goals, and build community ties—to transform romance into a durable foundation for lifelong happiness.

How have your views on marriage, family, and happiness evolved? Share your perspective and invite others to join the conversation.